Toddler parenting inspiration & ideas
- Mama Meg
- Mar 5, 2023
- 11 min read
Updated: Jan 30
Top recs from your new mom friend 🫶
The meat of this post was something that I created for family members who were helping to take care of my oldest, Tripp, as he started entering the toddler phase around a year old. I had much more robust notes on the Big Little Feelings course as well, which I highly recommend checking out! But that's why I'm referring to Tripp by name so much and everything is "he." I sent this to our close family who were spending regular time with him so we were all reinforcing the same things. Aren't I a TREAT!
Emotions. We're following the principles laid out in the BLF Winning the Toddler Stage course.
We focus on telling him what he SHOULD DO vs. what he shouldn't. Instead of saying "Don't get down from that chair!" I'll say "Tripp, keep your butt down." This is called positive parenting because you are phrasing things in a positive way, giving clear instructions on what to do.
The course goes into this into so much more depth than I could here, but one of the big ideas is that all emotions are valid and have a place. And it's about teaching your toddler how to recognize those emotions and express them in healthy ways.
As toddlers start to talk more, tantrums generally decline as they can express themselves better. We've seen this first hand with both of our boys. The BLF philosophy is that our job as a parent is to stay calm and teach them about emotions, not punish them for the way they are feeling.
There are amazing mini scripts that you can follow to help handle various situations and they were an absolute godsend both times we've brought new babies home from the hospital. We followed their exact recommendation for how to introduce a toddler to a new sibling and it was incredibly smooth and sweet. Full post to come on bringing home baby #2 (and now, #3 too!)!
One of the other things I absolutely love about BLF is that they teach YOU as the parent how to manage YOUR emotions. Because let's be honest, when your kid is melting down, you are bound to have some feelings about that. You may feel embarrassed or annoyed or downright mad depending on the situation. BLF gives actionable tips for you to keep your emotions in check (deeeep breaths, mama!), so you can better help your toddler handle theirs. It also covers what to do when you lose your cool, how to apologize to your child, and more. Can you tell I'm obsessed with them!? Cannot say enough good things. If you're entering the toddler era, definitely check them out.
Food. We’re continuing to follow the eating principles we learned from Solid Starts and aim to give our kids a pressure free environment for eating.
We don’t comment on how much he eats or how “healthy” or “unhealthy” different foods are. We tell him what he’s eating and help describe what he’s tasting - i.e. that’s salsa, it’s spicy! Lemon, that tastes sour.
We do not make him finish his plate. He’s done when his body tells him he’s full, and that may look different meal to meal or day to day
Pack up the leftovers in case they get hungry later!
If he starts throwing the food off his tray, we’ll say “Okay, it looks like you’re done since you’re throwing your food! Mama’s going to clean it up now. Do you want any more chicken before I clean up or are you all done?”
As he gets older, we want to avoid saying things in front of him like “I worked out today, so I deserve this dessert!” or “I was good today, I’m going to reward myself with a glass of wine.”
Want to create a body positive environment for him and set him up for a healthy relationship with food. We want him to view food as fuel.
We serve all foods on the same plate and try not to fetishize sugar. This helps send him the message that cookies are just like broccoli, they’re all fuel for my body
When we do decide to get ice cream or something we don't eat every day, we try not to overhype it. As kids get older they are able to request certain foods, so if we always hype up the ice cream and how special it is, that’s what they'll always want.
If we get ice cream with a meal, like at Chick-fil-a, we let him have the ice cream at the same time as the chicken nuggets and fries.
Similarly, we do not make a big deal when he eats something you wouldn't expect a two year old to eat (i.e. mushrooms, kale, sushi etc.).
We’ll ask him if his belly still feels hungry, if his body is still hungry
Important - off limit foods until 5 years old: raw nuts, popcorn, raisins, grapes (whole), hard candy - these are all serious choking hazards. Popcorn and nuts in particular could break up into tiny pieces and obstruct his airway, requiring surgery. He can eat most other things now, it’s just a matter of how it’s prepared.
If you’re not sure about how to serve certain foods in an age-appropriate way, check out the Solid Starts App! It's completely free and full of amazing info for feeding littles.
Consent. We’re teaching Tripp that he’s in control of his body and that "no" is a word we honor.
For example, we avoid telling him “Go give so-and-so a hug!” and/or forcing him to hug someone. We’ll ask once “Do you want to give G a hug?” or “Can I have a hug?” and if he doesn’t do it himself, we might say “How would you like to say hi to G today?” This takes off the pressure and gives him the option to high five, pound, hug, shake hand, blow a kiss or wave.
He may not want to do anything at first and that needs to be okay too! Sometimes he picks his own moments to hug or kiss us and the surprise makes it even sweeter!
This may feel awkward or even impolite when he’s seeing extended family for the first time in a long time and doesn’t want to hug them and we understand that!
If we're tickling him and he says "no" we immediately stop and say "Okay, no more tickling!" Or "No means no!"
Long story short, this is teaching him that HE is in control of his own body and if something doesn’t feel right, he doesn’t have to go along with it. Later in life this could help him ward off inappropriate behavior because he’s not going to feel the need to be polite or people please if say an adult or authority figure tried to touch him or do something inappropriate.
This doesn’t mean that we’d allow him to make decisions that would potentially put his safety at risk, like not holding our hand on a walk
Just narrate what you’re doing before you do it - “Okay, it’s time for a walk! We’re going to be crossing the road so Birdie is going to hold your hand until we get to the park to help keep you safe!”
We try to narrate everything for him these days. It may feel silly but he really does understand so much and this helps things go much smoother vs. when we just do things without telling him first.
This also means we call all of his body parts by their actual names. This will help us teach him what parts of his body are off limits to others. Research shows using the anatomically correct words for body parts fosters body autonomy and prevents feelings of shame about their bodies, and also prevents sexual abuse.
Key phrases. Some things we've learned along the way - some of which from BLF!
When he’s getting close to fragile items like the record player
“That’s fragile. Let’s look with our eyes, not touch with our hands.” You can gently put his hands down by his sides when saying this.
As he got a little older, we taught him about “2 finger touches” if he wants to explore a new object that looks fragile, he can touch it gently with two fingers, not both hands.
When he’s getting close to potentially dangerous items, like the fireplace
“The fire is hot, buddy. That could hurt you if you touch it, it’s dangerous. Let’s move our bodies over here to stay safe.”
“We’re in a parking lot and there are a lot of cars, so Mama is going to carry you/hold your hand to help keep you safe. You can walk on your own once we get to our table.”
When he’s engaging in risky play
“You’re climbing up on your books! How does that feel under your feet? Do you feel sturdy? I’m here to help you if you need help getting down!”
Obviously if he’s doing something truly dangerous we would intervene (as calmly as possible) and say something like “It’s not safe for you to climb on top of the chair. Mama’s going to bring you over here so you don’t fall and hurt yourself.”
Try your best to stay calm when doing this. If you give a big reaction like “TRIPP, NO!” he may continue doing that thing in the future because he knows it gets him attention. You may also scare him with your reaction and cause him to fall over/do the thing you’re trying to prevent in the first place.
Try to redirect him with something he CAN do right away. This will help things go over a bit smoother. If he wants to eat chalk, give him something he CAN eat. If he wants to push a chair around the kitchen, give him a toy with wheels to push around. Redirection is the name of the game for a toddler parent.
When we go somewhere that is quiet, like church
Before we walk in, we’ll say something like “We’re about to walk into church. Church is a special, quiet place. See how quiet it is? We need to be quiet too.”
“Let’s use our quiet voices and whisper like this.”
When we walk out we make a point to tell him good job for being quiet and that now he can talk like normal again
When he wants something he really shouldn't have (like a Christmas ornament) and starts melting down when we take it away
"I understand you want the ornament buddy, it's okay to feel sad. Mama is trying to keep you safe, the ornament could break and hurt you! Let's throw this ball for the dogs instead!"
[Acknowledging the feeling, letting them know it's OKAY to feel that feeling, and then redirecting them to something that they CAN DO = the magic of Big Little Feelings in action]
When something breaks like a glass or plate (we are starting to let him experiment with those more)
“The glass broke. That happens. Let’s clean it up.” Stay calm and don’t make a big fuss over it. Get him somewhere safe while you clean up most of it and involve him in the clean up if you can.
When he gets scared or nervous when he hears something like a dog barking
“Yes, the dog is barking - that’s okay! He’s just talking, that’s how dogs talk. You’re safe.”
When he gets upset and tries to hit
"It's okay to feel mad but it's not okay to hit. I'm going to step away to keep my body safe. I'm here for a hug when you're ready."
"Hands are not for hitting."
When he is melting down or throwing a tantrum
(While crouching down on their level) "I understand you're feeling sad that I won't let you [insert toddler grievance of the day here]. It's okay to feel sad. I'm right here when you're ready for a hug."
Check out the BLF Highlight - will give you a sneak peek of their course too!
When he does something well
See if he looks at you for affirmation after he does something successfully - sometimes he will, in which case it’s fine to clap and/or say “You got the ball in the tower!” or whatever you want to say
He may NOT look up at you, and that’s okay too! We’re trying to build his self confidence and have him be driven by his own motivations and ideas, not our praise. So if he doesn’t look at you, say nothing - let him continue concentrating on whatever he’s doing.
Little by little, if we are constantly saying “good job!” for every single thing he does, this can inadvertently teach him to seek our continued approval, vs. feeling proud or accomplished when he does something that feels right to him
Some things you can say other than “Good job!”
I saw you working so hard on that!
That was tricky and you persisted
I see a happy face, you’re feeling proud of your work
You did it! All by yourself!
You worked hard to do that, you must be feeling so proud right now!
To be clear, saying “Good job” is not going to hurt him and it flies out of my mouth all the time without thinking. Praise also has its place, especially when teaching a new skill. We just don’t want to overdo it!
I'm sure you get the idea. Basically, talk to them the same respect and understanding you'd give any other human in your life, and meet them where they are developmentally. Understanding that their tantrums and big feelings are normal and healthy for this age really helps to not take it personally. And, bonus, you are helping them develop incredible life long emotional intelligence skills.
Montessori Method - things we did at home before he started at a local Montessori school!
Letting him help with small things!
Any small thing he can help with, let him! For example, putting his toys under the stroller after we finish playing at the park, cleaning up his books and toys in his room, putting his dirty clothes in the hamper, wiping down his tray after eating
Some of this you need to model for him at first, but he catches on quickly!
He loves being called a “helper”
He’s now at the age that he can also help with cutting up some of his food. We have a kid friendly knife set - start with the wooden one or the one with the green handle. He can use this to cut up strawberries, avocado, bananas, etc. He loves doing it and says “Chop chop chop!” Just put your hand on top of his and help him push straight down.
Every time we use one of these kitchen tools we talk about how to use them safely. Same with the oven or stove - anytime he's cooking with us we explain that these are dangerous, hot, and only to be used with Mommy and Daddy because they could really hurt you.
You can use the Toddler Tower in the kitchen to cook with him as well, just make sure to stand behind him. Sometimes he decides to abruptly sit down and he could wiggle his way out of it.
We started letting him pick out what he wants to wear around a year old. Give him two choices to pick from, not the full closet.
“Which shirt do you want to wear today? The red one or the blue one?” Put them both out in front of him and he’ll reach for the one he wants.
Montessori activities - there are a TON out there and one thing I love about Montessori is it all revolves around teaching real life skills.
Examples: how to pour a glass of water from a small pitcher, how to water plants outside, how to arrange flowers, how to wash dishes, etc.
If you’re ever looking for ideas of what to do, the Lovevery toy boxes are all based on the Montessori method and there are also some great Instagram accounts you can check out for fun activity ideas. Most of them involve things you already have around the house, or getting outside and interacting with nature.
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Your friendly reminder that this blog is not medical advice! This blog is for educational purposes only and does not substitute for professional medical advice. Consult a medical professional or healthcare provider if they seek medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment for you or your family.
Affiliate Disclosure: There are affiliate links in this post, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will be compensated if you click through and take action. These are all items that I purchased with my own money, or was gifted from my registry, so please know I am only recommending things I truly use.